Recently, in two totally different situations, I have learned about someone casting judgement without knowing the whole story. I guess I'm feeling sensitive to it because in both of these situations I am aware of the the whole story and the judgement wasn't fair. It made me so upset. But, then I realized, I do the exact same thing all the time.
I'm a judger! I know I do it. It isn't usually out-loud, mostly just privately in my own head. After listening to these stories about others being so hurt by other's judgements, it really hit me about how often I do it too. If I see a messy house, many times my first thought is "lazy". Someone orders a refill on their soda, "whoa, tons of sugar.." It's horrible, I know.
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I came across this quote, and I don't know the source, but it is so powerful and it really hit me:
"We are very good lawyers for our own mistakes, but very good judges for the mistakes of others."
We will passionately defend everything we do, but will quickly jump to conclusions about what other people do.
I'm not sure why we are naturally negative in this way. It is probably something we do in self defense, to make ourselves feel better about our own insecurities. I'm not even sure when I developed this habit, because usually I'm pretty positive. But, it has really bothered me so I'm setting a few goals:
1. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
Instead of just assuming someone is lazy because their house is messy, I'm going to believe that they are incredibly busy doing something else really important to them. Which is probably true anyway.
2. Don't listen to other's judgements.
Judgement can be silent, but we also hear it all the time in the conversations of others. I want to help the person being judged by ending those conversations. I would want the same done for me! When those conversations come up I can either a] Defend the person or b]Change the subject. My hope is that people will notice that I do this, and stop talking that way around me all together. I'm thinking this may even mean a change in who I'm spending a lot of time with. I want to surround myself with positive people!
I'm sharing because I want accountability! Bad habits are hard to break, and I really want to break this one. So, leave me a comment! Are you trying to break this habit too? Do you have any good subject changers when things get negative?